The First Public Cry

It happened.

And I survived it.

But at least with this one, I saw it coming. In fact, I predicted it. I was even prepared with tissues in my pocket.

Who am I kidding? I always have tissues in my pocket/purse these days.

Tonight was my first time to be back at LIFE Church, seeing so many of my friends in one place, standing to worship and lift my voice to the Lord, and be on the receiving end of countless hugs. Many of these people have been waiting a month to see me and wrap me in their arms and share their heartfelt condolences. I am blessed.

I anticipated that the combination of these things would bring on the waterworks. Not wanting to blubber the entire time, I made a plan.

Because I know you'd like that, wouldn't you Daddy? :)

Anyone who knew Greg Taylor knew he was always "the man with the plan." If I had a nickel for every time I heard "What's the plan?" or "Here's the plan"...I'd be retired.

Whoa...I just had to change "knows" to "knew"...past tense is still so strange.

My plan was to not come into worship until the first song had already started (so everyone would be standing and singing) and to sneak into a seat on the far right side, near the door. I wanted to go as unnoticed as possible and also have a path to the exit should I need it. I would linger after service to collect on all those hugs. :)

The plan went off without a hitch.

Until the 3rd song.

The 3rd song is typically the slowest one, as it is the one right before the message. Let me just say that music stirs my soul, so I'm a pretty emotional worshiper in a normal circumstance, but we all know I am not in a normal circumstance right now. And so the song began. "God is Able" by Hillsong. I'll post a link to a video at the end if you'd like a listen, but here are the lyrics accompanied by the thoughts simultaneously going on in my head.

God is Able
He will never fail
He is almighty God

.....I know He is Able and He doesn't fail. But why didn't he heal my Daddy? Did God fail me? Did I fail Him? Gosh, this is so hard.

Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things

.....He is so great, so wonderful. Why couldn't He have done this great thing for me?

Lifted up, He defeated the grave
raised to life, our God is able
In His name, we overcome
For the Lord, our God is able

.....And cue the tears.....He defeated the grave. He defeated the grave. He defeated the grave. It doesn't get any greater than that. Our God is able. My God is able.

God is with us
God is on our side
He will make a way

.....God is always for me. He never means harm for me. He knows my hurt. He will make a way to get through it.

Far above all we know
Far above all we hope
He has done great things

.....His ways are so much higher than mine. Far above what I could ever dream of.

Lifted up, He defeated the grave
Raised to life, our God is able
In His name, we overcome
For the Lord, our God is able

.....He defeated the grave so my Daddy lives on in heaven. He defeated the grave so that his life wouldn't end here. Hallelujah.

God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us

.....The Lord was there the entire time, going before me. He never left my side.

God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us


.....He will never fail. He didn't fail me, now then, not now, not ever.

Lifted up, He defeated the grave
raised to life, our God is able
In His name, we overcome
For the Lord, our God is able

.....He defeated the grave. He defeated the grave. He defeated the grave. I will overcome this because He is able.

You see, I have been thinking alot lately about what it means to serve a God who has victory over death and the grave. That means more to me now than ever before. As strong as he was, my Daddy couldn't defeat either one. Death took him from us. But because of Jesus, death doesn't get to keep him. Because of Jesus, it was only his earthly life that ended and his eternal life in heaven began the moment he took his last breath. Because of Jesus, I will see him again one day. And the next time I see him, he won't have cancer.

The next time I see him, he won't struggle to breathe.

The next time I see him, he will be strong.

He won't need thousands of dollars of medicine. He won't need a cane. He won't be swollen. His skin won't tear so easily.

He'll be perfect.

And I can't wait.

Lifted up, He defeated the grave
Raised to life, our God is able
In His name, we overcome
For the Lord, our God is able



love,
alissa