There are so many exciting things ahead for the Thomas' this summer!
-a week with my Mom in town
-preparing for a brand new third grade class next year
-beautiful pacific northwest exploring with my love
-a mission trip to Haiti
-numerous beach/coffee/shopping/lunch dates with some of my favorite people
And the list goes on...
But first I've got to get through this weekend.
Father's Day
I was trying so hard to ignore it until it slapped me in the face the other day.
I ran into the store to grab one thing and before I knew it, I found myself standing in front of the Father's Day card display reading my third card before realizing that I had no reason to be there.
I didn't need to pick out the perfect card this year. There is no one to send it to.
Then came the tears...not the soft, silent tears....the ugly cry tears.
I felt humiliated to be caught so off guard and to be experiencing such a painful moment in such a public place. And then I felt angry for letting myself be in that situation. It was not my proudest moment as I hung my head as low as I possibly could and made a bee-line for my car so I could finish this moment in private.
And from that moment, this weekend began to consume me...sadness, anxiety, fear, dread.
But I only let it control me for a few days and then I forced myself into a change of perspective.
I think that's a sign that I'm getting there...
While I am indeed broken-hearted that I have no card to buy or phone call to make, I am thankful for the 30 years of Father's Days that I did have to celebrate. Though he's not here now, I am thankful that I had a Daddy that I loved and that loved me so much that he was worth celebrating...he still is worth celebrating. I won't let grief take that from me.
So this weekend I celebrate him.
For all of the softballs tossed around in the yard.
For all of the gifts from the NASA gift shop at work.
For all of the tomato pies. (that he thought I loved, but I really only tolerated so as not to hurt his feelings) :)
For all of the dinners eaten together sitting on the couch while watching tv.
For all of the constant asking about how my tires and brakes were doing after I moved away from home.
For all of the roadtrip memories to the hospital in Texas.
For all of the late night Sonic milkshakes.
For all of the bags of chips that you can only find in the south (Zapp's & Elmer's) purchased at the "discount store" that were waiting for me when I flew home.
For all of the rocks skipped in the pond on the "old road."
For all of the drives sitting in his lap to Granny & PawPaw's.
For all of the $5/$10/$20 bills handed out over the years, even when I was 29 years old.
For all of "the claw's" and tickle fights.
For all of the worrying even when there was nothing to worry about.
For all of the "I'm proud of you's" and "I love you's"
For always calling me Fred.
For being my Daddy.
And for fighting so hard to stay with us.
Happy Father's Day Daddy! We love you. We miss you.
Love,
Fred
